A lot of chicks do come to Cape Town. Yes, my campus has plenty of girls; foreign Nationals, Zulus, Pedi’s, Coloreds, Gold teeth, Dodgy hygiene, 90’s attire and the girls that are worth a second look. The list goes endless. I’ve already been with a few and established that they are not worth my time. I don’t settle for anything less than I reckon I deserve. Unfortunately, this translates into a year without a proper GF.  Actually, come to think of it, I’ve never had a proper GF. My longest relationship was a pathetic ten month rapport, back in high school. And thus I have begun to doubt myself, my strategy and whether Miss Right actually exists. Are my standards too high up in the sky? Am I deluded? Am I full of it? Who am I actually holding up for? Should I be holding out at all?

Hopefully when the “perfect” girl walks into my life I’ll recognize her.  She will have to be a bit shorter than me though. I like the feeling of her being on her tip toes! She must also be a bit dark- I have a thing for a chocolate skin, I don’t mind if she smokes, but I prefer her not to though- yes, I know, a strange fetish. And she must be hot! I’ve tried a few times to put away my superficiality and date the nice girls but it just didn’t work out. As I didn’t like what I was seeing, I couldn’t look her in the eye for too long. I would also like an honest, genuine, carefree, real person who can answer no to all of these five essential  questions. Do you have a BF? Do you have an ex-Bf drama? Do you know of any boys that think they’re your BFs? Do you have a baby father?  Are you married in any way with any dude out there?

She must also meet strict requirements. She must not be an aspiring policeman, a teacher, a hip hop artist, a celeb or footballer, but I don’t mind if she does poetry. She should not be in first year, high school or nappies. She must respect men but not be a walkover, she must be able to speak up if something offends or pisses her off. Too many women can’t express themselves hence they use abuse & gossip as a cry for help. She must be a calming effect on me. I am a bit out there and sometimes need help in order to relax. She must constantly have Beyoncé’s “Irreplaceable” ringing on her head because I have no qualms of kicking her out of my life. So leave your ego at the door.

Not too long ago I dated a chick that would constantly talk about herself and try to compete with me. Self-involvement issues are such a turn-off. Self esteem issues are even worse. Go see a shrink for that. So maybe I’m too demanding. So what? At least I know what I want, but I’m not too sure if I’ll get it.