Does Sex With Another Man Make
You Gay?

Does having sex with another man mean you
are gay? Are you having sexual encounters
with another guy and wonder what it means
about your sexuality?
There’s more to being gay than just sex. It
may seem like a contradiction that your
sexuality is effected by more than your sexual
attraction, but there are multiple experiences
that lead one to define as gay. One of them is
being sexually attracted to other men. Another
is having an emotional connection with other
guys as well as, in some instances, a spiritual
connection with a person of the same gender.
Although sex is the talked about subject about
gay men, the reality of being gay is much
more than the physical act of having sex. Sex
alone doesn’t mean you are gay or not gay.
To complicate matters even further, there are
different degrees of homosexuality. What I
mean by this is that a person’s sexuality is
much more fluid than our society makes it out
to be. It is possible to have different levels of
attractions to either gender.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone
is bisexual. What it implies is that there is no
special formula or certain qualities one must
follow before they recognize as gay. Some
guys find girls attractive, but have a
stronger emotional and physical attraction to
other men. Others guys share
strong attractions with only others of the
same sex. Often the best way to find out
where you are on this spectrum is to explore
your sexuality as you have.
This said, it’s not unusual to fool around and
have sex with other guys . Sexual exploration
is a natural part of our growth and not just in
terms of years. Many people explore sexually
before discovering their likes and
dislikes. There are many cultural influences
that keep up from exploring our sexuality
before landing on a set identity. Majority of
society is more comfortable with having
everyone choose a side by choosing a label.
They want to know what category you are
placed in: gay, straight, lesbian, bi, trans…?
This trickles down into a pressure to label
yourself and ‘decide’ what you are based on a
set of criteria dictated by others. Ultimately,
your sexuality is an individual journey, best
made by considering what your encounters
with either gender reveal about yourself. Do
you see women as just friends but get excited
about the idea of being intimate with another
guy? Are you simply curious what it would be
like to share sex with another man? Have you
always had emotional experiences with men
without yet taking it into the physical?
These are all questions that can be answered
by allowing yourself to fool around and being
open to any answer that may come out of it. I
remember fooling around with some of my guy
friends while involved with a girl and not really
thinking about homosexuality. I even had
girlfriends after that. But, I knew I was gay
when I started thinking about guys more and
more- sexually and emotionally. And, my
homosexuality was confirmed when I met my
first boyfriend. The emotional connection was
on an entirely different level than with any girl
I had been with.
Of course, this experience is mine and each
person has their own, as you will. Take your
time and explore. There is no need to rush
yourself with a label. Most importantly,
however, be safe and practice safer sex while
you’re doing it.